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Review: Arby's Meat Mountain Sandwich - Yummy? - Freezy Boys

Review: Arby’s Meat Mountain Sandwich

by | May 27, 2019 | Dinner, Fast Food Reviews

Total Score

%

Tasty Meats

Summary: “We have the MEATS! We have the MEATS!” The cheery boys chanted as I walked into the ol’ Arby’s on Dorchester Road. Yeah, this one’s good. Chicken, Turkey, Fish, Ham, Corned Beef, Brisket, Angus Steak, Roast Beef, Pepper Bacon – what the!? Cheddar and Swiss?? Sure, she’s tasty – but is she worth it?

Meal Context

Me and Chep had just finished a long shift at the Plant. After a few hiccups on the nuclear reactor we decided to grab a couple of Mickey’s from the Shell down the road. Shit, the reactor parameters were boggling my mind all damn day. “Me-me wanna Mickey,” exclaimed Chep.

I twisted the top off of my grenada and guzzled that matly goodness down my gullet. Chep started ramblin’ about some sort of meat mountain. I thought the fumes from the Plant were getting to his head until he showed me a picture on his Samsung. Holy moly, was I in for a treat! Cheppy flung the keys my way and we hopped into the ‘Yota! “Meat Mountain! Meat Mountain!” and we were on our way to Arby’s.

Meal Context Score: 8 out of 10

Taste

Taste. What can I say? Nine different meats? Five different critters? Chicky, turkey, piggy, fishy, beefboy, yeah this one’s gonna be good.

I take a bite.

The tame chicken and turkey flavors were immediately amplified by the rich beefy bites of steak and brisket. The pepper bacon was a little limp but did its job. The cheese tasted a little funky. It did not matter. The glorious meats of this sandwich opened my third eye. I was in a state of ecstasy for 30 minutes.

Taste Score: 10 out of 10

Look

Chep unwrapped his Meat Mountain – his eyes nearly popped out of his dang skull! “Frick she’s a biggun!” I honestly wasn’t too impressed. It looked nothin’ like the 4K image he showed me on his smartphone earlier. Gray piggy. Beige chicky. Cluck cluck! She sure smells like hot ham and beef though. I can get jiggy with this meatwich!

Look Score: 7 out of 10

Stomach Effects

We scarfed down our sammies while we watched cars pull in and out of the Cuckle Car Wash across the street.

A 2007 Ford Ranger pulled into the queue. Clearly someone had been muddin’ this weekend! That hardened brown mud must’ve sent some sorta subconscious signal to my digestive system…

I looked over at Chep and he had a unsettling smile on his face. “Was that you?” he asked. “Shit yeah!” I shouted. I tried to play it cool but the stench clearly overpowered any attempt at conversation.

Stomach Score: 3 out of 10

Pros & Cons

pros

L

Holy grail of meatwiches.

L

Took my mind of the reacotr failures.

L

Pairs well with a post-work Mickey’s!

cons

K

$10 (a little steep).

K

Horrible aftermath.