Review: Jimmy Dean Croissant Sandwich – Sausage, Egg, and Cheese
Total Score
%
Below Average!
Meal Context
I woke up. Hit snooze. Woke up again. Hit snooze again. This pattern repeated until the fact that I only had 15 minutes to shower, shave, eat breakfast, and get out the door.
Luckily, I had snapped up some Jimmy Dean Croissant sandwiches while they were on sale at Publix the day before. After hopping out of the shower, I unwrapped one of these bad boys and zapped it in the microwave for 1 minute and 30 seconds.
I didn’t read the instructions all the way through, so the first time I bit into the sandwich it was rock hard–impossible to chew. Blech! Lucky I didn’t crack a tooth. I wrapped it up in a paper towel and placed it back in the microwave for another minute and a half. It came out soggy yet edible.
I didn’t have time to brush my teeth before work, so I had soggy sausage breath all day at the office. I noticed Jean wince upon smelling my breath when I asked her about her weekend in the kitchen.
Meal Context Score: 3 out of 10
Taste
This bland sandwich could really use some butterin’ and pepperin’. It was one step away from being just flavorless matter sliding smoothly down my gullet. I wonder if they could add some toppings to the croissant in the future to pack more punch.
The sausage was rubbery and didn’t have the spice that I’m accustomed to from other brands. As far as the cheese… I guess, generally, frozen cheese doesn’t heat in the microwave too well. The egg wasn’t really noticeable except for adding a bit of texture.
Still, there was something strangely addicting about these things. I didn’t enjoy the experience while eating it, but afterwards I found my brain telling me that I should eat another. Some strange sorcery indeed. Maybe they’ve got some of those food addiction strategies in place. Scary stuff!
Taste Score: 3.5 out of 10
Look
They actually look pretty appealing once they’re out of the wrapper and cooked. Not so much before (when they look like prehistoric rocks in a plastic bag) or after you start eating one.
Overall, pretty strong look score. These would be insta-worthy my brothers and sisters.
Look Score: 7 out of 10
Are Croissant Sandwiches Healthy?
450 calories, high cholesterol, and 50% of your day’s saturated fat might leave you feeling a little sluggish after breakfast. And that’s if you just eat one! Obviously, Jimmy Dean isn’t trying to start any new health trends with these things and most purchasers likely know what they’re getting themselves into.
Still, these aren’t something you want to make a daily staple unless you’re 17 years old.
Healthy Score: 2.5 out of 10
Stomach Effects
I felt strangely clogged up after eating one. Then I ate another. The next hour felt like it could’ve been an eternity. My movement were slower, my brain felt drugged. It took a few cups of coffee to feel back to normal.
Unfortunately for the rest of the office, it might take a few weeks for the toilet to be back to normal after this experience. Don’t blame me, blame Mr. Jimmy Dean.