Review: Stouffer’s Swedish Meatballs
Total Score
%
Pretty Good!
Summary: Fed a very large crowd by combining servings together. Tastes like real meat and noodles that you’d get at a restuarant.
By the end of night, wifey said she loved me. Type of meal to impress the ladies for sure.
Meal Context
The Warvers were coming over.
Oh boy.
My wifey’s family can put down some food. They are like termites on a Louisville Slugger bat.
Wifey’s brother Jork is even known around town as “Jork Jammer” because of all the toilets he’s clogged.
Wifey is stressing like crazy because the house is a mess: Lucy brought a bunch of dead rodents into the basement, we got the mold issue still, and dishes are piled to the ceiling. Who’s got time for cooking for the Warvers?
So I says: “Don’t worry wifey. I’ll do the good cooking.”
I remembered buying a few Swedish Meatball frozen dinners from Wal Mart not too long ago before the big game, and they made me feel pretty full. Here’s my idea: Cook a full tub of the stuff for the Warvers. 60 or so dinners should do. Even Jork would get his filling!
Meal Context Score: 4 out of 10
Taste
The sauce and noodles and the meatballs all taste good. Even almost as good as the secret menu (shhhhhhhh!) Applebees spaghetti we like to get.
Meatballs kind of taste like the Wawn-Tawn chinese takeout sausage, but a little sweeter. The noodles sop up all of the yummy juices!
On the big day, the Warvers came over and you could sure tell they were hungry. They slammed their fists on the dinner table upon sitting down. “Hungry! Hungry!” they said, “We hungry! Hungry!”.
I could tell that wifey was stressed.
Good thing I had my master plan. Earlier in the day, I had opened up all 60 Swedish Meatball boxes (bought out three different Wal Marts), and put them in our tub (see pic below). Next, I rigged the tub so that it’d spit out hot sour cream sauce instead of hot water. That thing had been humming since 3pm. It was ready. I excused myself from the Warvers to serve up the goods.
Tip for those at home: The tub is a great way to cook for large parties!
Taste Score: 8 out of 10
Look
It wasn’t until I had all of the bowls filled up with noodles and meatballs that I noticed something wrong. I had slightly overcooked the meatballs in the tub. They had turned to a grayish mass with green specks. The noodles had disintegrated into the sour cream sauce.
With a big gulp and sigh, I brought the servings out to the table.
Jork said that the green specks looked like boogers then called me “booger boy” for the rest of the night. I tried to tell him it was parsley, but he wouldn’t listen.
The Warvers still ate all of it up. Even seemed like they liked it. Wifey gave me a big hug and whispered “thank you” in my ear.
Look Score: 3 out of 10
Stomach Effects
My stomach felt a little upset. The Warvers had some serious issues, but maybe it was because they ate more than me.
Wifey and her brothers actually had to sequester Jork in our basement with the dead rodents because of the filth and the stench coming from his toots and burps. We left him down there for several hours and then had to call the county’s sanitation department over in order to clean up the aftermath.
Poor Jork, he can be a mean man, but he has some serious issues.
Stomach Score: 2 out of 10
Pros & Cons
pros
Tastes like Applebees spaghetti.
Incredible design! Enhances experience.
Great for a mid-morning or mid-day pick-me-up.
cons
Don’t leave in tub too long or meatballs will harden.
Might hurt your stomach.
This was funny but not believable.