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Review: Subway Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich - Demons! - Freezy Boys

Review: Subway’s Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich

by | May 30, 2019 | Dinner, Fast Food Reviews

Total Score

%

Good Looks, Bad Tastes

Summary:  A curvy and muscular sandwich. This thing has a pretty exterior + sexy/proper fillings. Unfortunately, it made my family sick and Mr. Kwan let me know that my dreams were illegal.

Meal Context

The putrid taste of Subway’s Oven Roasted Chicken sandwich brought out the demons in me. It was that time of year when I feel it in my chest when I know my wife and kids are coming home from school with chicken. I know that the kids shouldn’t eat it and the dog gets sick, but I do it anyway and the kids eat it too.

Our family could have eaten those Subway sandwiches forever, but then I saw his face. My neighbor was sweating like, well, a roasting chicken.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kwan, but you gotta leave our property. You can’t inspect our chicken. It’s good enough for our children. It’s not for you, Mr. Kwan.”

“I’m just going.” he replied and turned away.

After that last encounter, we were more careful about the chicken. I couldn’t even think of my dreams, since if I came up with the idea of selling meat, then of course my employer wouldn’t let me because it’s an illegal business. Of course it’s an illegal business because even though you can’t sell it in America anymore because you don’t have a license, American meat processors still have access to the imported chicken that you and your friends brought in.

I wouldn’t be able to resell the Subway chicken. I would just keep feeding to my poor, poor family.

Meal Context Score: 5 out of 10

Taste

Taste. How can I describe the taste? Regular words won’t do justice. Instead, I have written a poem:

The Subway Chicken sandwich did not taste good

The Subway Chicken sandwich did not taste good

All of my friends were horrified and wanted to leave

I am so embarrassed but there is no way for me to leave

I am so ashamed of myself and ashamed of you!

That Chicken Sandwich tasted like your mother did

Your mother is so good at cooking

So many people are saying thank you

Because when you eat there’s not really any real taste

I don’t think I ever want to eat there again

My only memory of chicken sandwich will be when my father was watching it

If you have tasted chicken sandwich, then you’ll be like my parents – proud and sad

You think I’d eat anything that tasted like something your mother cooked

Ohh, my gosh, I would eat a chicken sandwich to celebrate my birthday

I would eat anything to celebrate this moment of celebrating my birthday

You know me when I am hungry but it’s been a long way

I’m so proud of you! So proud!

You’ve taken me to a new world!

You’ve taken me to a new world

I can’t wait!

Taste Score: 10 out of 10

Look

Curvy and muscular sandwich. I mean this thing has a pretty exterior + sexy/proper fillings.

A lovely thing! No shame!

She would have been perfect to go to Paris! My family loves the look every night, and it almost makes up for the taste!
I hope we meet again, she would have been great in Paris too! Very sandwich. I love it!

Look Score: 7 out of 10

Stomach Effects

I blasted diarrhea into the family toilet. I threw up every day in the house. I did everything I could to eat more food, but my mouth would never recover. I had to have my whole family eat when I was sick. My father was too sick to eat, for lack of medicine, and even when he was, everything wasn’t delicious. I ate the food that was offered for me, because I couldn’t get enough of it. My sister was given candy, and she couldn’t eat it. I had to be fed the crap to live with it, and in that way I lived my life my whole life.

I still want nothing more than the day I’ll leave this place. I want it to be like I once imagined when I was a little girl, when I watched my father eating chocolate cake every day. I want it to resemble what my father, who came from a very happy environment of childhood, wanted to be like. To make it all fall apart, and it will.

Stomach Score: 3 out of 10

Pros & Cons

pros

L

Cheap sandwiches.

L

Feeds my whole family.

L

Look sexy as hell!

cons

K

Hurt my stomach. Real bad.

K

Horrible aftermath.